It is ok to change
In fact, it might be encouraged
I had always been resistant to change. There is a level of comfort in things staying the same. The same job, same relationships, same personality.
For me, I enjoyed that comfort. Part of it was due to stubbornness, thinking that I didn’t need to change. Another part was being a perfectionist, worried that any change could result in failure.
Having this mindset through most of my 20s made me very rigid in who I was with no ability to adapt. I had lived in the same area for most of my life and in doing so, developed a very strong sense of self that was dependent on location and those relationships.
When I finally moved away to Seattle my stubbornness was challenged, I had to change in order to adapt to my new lifestyle and surroundings.
At first, the stubbornness continued, looking for things that would remind me of home and trying to maintain that identity in my new city.
Eventually, I started to embrace different hobbies in my new (temporary) home. I picked up a few books, hiked different trails, and developed a deeper sense of myself as a result.
After a few years, I moved back to Michigan excited to reconnect with old friends and family. What I found was that I had come back a different person than when I left. New hobbies and interests filled up my spare time and, while I still enjoyed being with old friends, I was finding it hard to find space for the change that occurred in Seattle.
This was a very uncomfortable feeling for me. To be back in a place where I had been so resistant to change made me question my decision to move back home. I was afraid to change in front of my family and close friends, wondering what they might think had happened to me in Seattle.
As a result, I felt I was constantly living a “double life” between my past in Michigan and a future I was trying to build with a new version of myself. Eventually, I broke down trying to juggle the two, tirelessly thinking through what changes I wanted to bring back home and what should stay on the West Coast.
After having a mental breakdown I decided to own the changes that had happened in Seattle and embrace a new version of myself. No longer was I resistant to change but I embraced it, and all of the growth that subsequently occurred.
What I’ve found through this transformation is that a lot of the things that I had worried about before were all in my head. My family hasn’t disowned me, my old friends still want to spend time with me, and I’ve become much happier being a more authentic version of myself.
I’ve realized that it is foolish to not expect any change throughout life. To think that you’ll stay the same, spend time with the same people, and work in the same profession. Change is a part of life and I’ve now found that it is where true growth happens.
As I’ve embraced change I have also learned how to better reconcile my past back in Michigan. Just because you do change doesn’t mean you can’t enjoy the same friends or activities that you used to. They might just look a little different or happen with less frequency. This shouldn’t stress you out as any good friend or family member will support you in change that is good for you.
The past that I left behind in Michigan has now become a part of my future. I’m thankful for it, and the relationships and memories it provided for me, but I no longer feel like it needs to be recreated.
I think about how rigid I used to be when I lived here and how much life I was missing out on as a result. By not being open to new experiences or relationships I was stunting my growth and, in many ways, the growth of the individuals around me.
Moving forward in life I feel that I have a much healthier relationship with my past. No longer am I living in it but instead learning from it. The more receptive to change I’ve become the easier it has been to live in the present moment. Never knowing if you’ll be able to do the same activities with your friends or how much time you’ll have with your family, the only thing you can do is enjoy the time you have.
Change is a part of life and by not embracing it you are denying yourself the opportunity to grow. Through enjoying the present moment, I’ve become much more receptive to change, and all of the personal growth that comes with it.
