It’s natural to question your decisions
Just don’t spend too much time doing it
Throughout life, you’ll be faced with many decisions. Some of them are as small as what you’ll have for dinner, others as big as your profession or a life partner. Growing up I had often wondered if I was the only one who has questioned their decisions when everyone else seemed so confident in the direction their lives were taking.
People seemingly just made decisions and stuck with them, never looking back while I felt like I was stuck in neutral. I would constantly think about how my life could have been different had I gone to a different school or chosen another career path.
As I started to open up about some of the decisions I felt impacted my life, I found that others struggled with the same thoughts about the direction of their own lives. All of them tried to make the best decision they could with the information presented to them at the time.
Recently I read the first part of Barack Obama’s presidential memoir, A Promised Land. There is a part in the book where Obama is discussing his life on the campaign trail. How much time that took out of his life at a critical stage in his daughters' childhood and the strain that was put on his marriage as his wife Michelle took most of the parenting duties during that time.
During his time campaigning Obama took an overseas trip, meaning further time away from his family. He mentioned how when he got back he wanted to spend time with his daughters, describing how much they had grown while he was away:
I could see from week to week how fast they were growing, how their limbs always seemed an inch or two longer than I remembered, their conversations at dinner more sophisticated. These changes served as a measure of all that I had missed, the fact that I hadn’t been there to nurse them when they were sick, or hug them when they were scared, or laugh at the jokes they told. As much as I believed in the importance of what I was doing, I knew I would never get that time back, and often found myself questioning the wisdom of the trade.
Reading this got me thinking about Obama’s decision to run for president. A decision that, on the surface, could appear to be one without any regrets or second thoughts. That the pursuit of being the President of the United States, one of the most important jobs in the world, was something that no one would question.
This made me realize that everyone second-guesses their decisions. No path can be taken with absolute confidence. Instead, you have to trust that you made the best decision for yourself at that time and not wallow in second thoughts.
For me, it was difficult to have this mindset shift. I had gotten into a habit of constantly evaluating the past in an effort to improve my future. I always felt like there was more that I could glean from past experiences, either good or bad.
While there is value in these practices there is only so much you can learn from your past, just like there is only so much you can plan for in your future. Taking each day as it comes and living in the present moment is the best way to combat a cycle of second-guessing major (or small) decisions in your life.
In Obama’s case, he couldn’t change the fact that he decided to run for President. That choice was made and instead of focusing on any second thoughts, he still made time with his daughters a priority on the campaign.
As far as I could tell, the campaign hadn’t affected our bonds. Malia was as chatty and inquisitive with me as ever, Sasha as buoyant and affectionate. When I was on the road, I talked to them by phone every night, about school, their friends, or the latest SpongeBob episode; when I was home, I read to them, challenged them to board games, and occasionally snuck out with them for ice cream.
It’s tempting to look back and question decisions that have been made. To wonder if a few tweaks here and there would’ve significantly altered your path towards a better life.
However you can’t change your past, only learn from it. Taking lessons from it and moving on to enjoy life in its current state is the best path forward.
